“Don’t let your luggage define your travels, each life unravels differently.”

{ Shane Koyczan }

I saw something today that inspired me to write this post.

This: http://www.ted.com/talks/shane_koyczan_to_this_day_for_the_bullied_and_beautiful.html

This post came to me today because earlier this week our community was rocked by the news that a 6th grader at my son's school committed suicide. We are a spread out rural community. My son's school is a pre-k through 12 campus. This child that died was in what is called middle school. Here I am at "middle" age (I am in my mid 50's) feeling in the middle of sadness. Sadness for all of those affected in any way by this loss. Especially, sad for this child who will not have the chance to heal.

Like so many, I have a story. Like so many, I have pain. As a Reiki practitioner I am acutely aware of many pains. I honor "the wound is the place where the Light enters you" ~ Rumi I am still travelling my healing path. I was bullied/abused both at school and at home. I was the weird girl in the suburbs of the 1960's who's mom had run off with another man. This happened when I was 7. I spent a good part of junior high with gum in my hair. I avoided the cafeteria where my separateness was accentuated. Going home there was no relief. Even with the bullying I preferred school to home. I too considered leaving this life but, some moments kept me here.

There were moments in my life that I still remember that got me though. Moments of understanding and love from apparent strangers. In the 2nd grade the year my mother left my teacher took ill as well. There was a string of substitute teachers. Once we were drawing houses. I didn't draw my house on the "line", it was small and set back on the page. The other kids began to tease me that I was drawing my house in the sky and how stupid I was. But this substitute teacher piped up and said no that I (she said my name) was drawing with perspective. She went on to explain what that was. For that moment I felt seen. Every now and then, when I seemed to need it most some stranger, teacher, someone that had no reason to care about me would reach out with a small kindness. I collected these moments and kept them like treasurers. I was lucky to be an introvert that could enjoy my own company. I was lucky that I could realize these moments as hope.

I have tried in my life to pay it forward with random acts of niceness. Even when I have been on the phone with 3 different folks from the Asian Sub-Continent about cell phone issues I remain nice! Who knows what pain that person on the other side of the phone carries. A few years back I worked as a substitute teacher at my son's school. Once while I was on recess duty a 6th grade girl left the basketball court and slumped to the side of the playground. I went over to see what was up. She told me the others didn't want her to play because she was weird (she wore all black). I told her how when I was picked last for baseball I always kept a book in my pocket so I could go out to right field and read. I wouldn't come in when the teams switched...even the teachers didn't care that I stayed out there. I said look at me~~~I AM happy! I told her this would pass and it felt big now but it was just a small speck in her life. She told me that is just what her mom said. So I said well now I know you are well supported at home. I told her she was wonderful and to be just who ever she was...I said it with grandeur and drama and pinch of goofiness! She jumped up and said, "Thanks! Ms D" She jumped right back into that game stealing the ball and made a basket! I gave her two thumbs up. I would see her from time to time in the halls of Jr and Sr High. She was as "goth" as our conservative school would allow and with friends. She would always make eye contact with me and give me a slight smile and occasionally a secret little thumbs up.

Folks say you never know how you might affect someone. I say you are always affecting someone and every little bit can make a difference. My life was saved by small moments of kindness.

This post is soul mending for me. I am grateful for the time you have taken to read . Now let us pray for all the lost children. Amen, Namaste, Blessed-BE.

http://www.shanekoyczan.com/